Luisteren

Kwam dit gedichtje tegen in de Happinez en wou het met jullie delen.

Als ik je vraag naar mij te luisteren en

jij begint mij adviezen te geven,

dan doe je niet wat ik je vraag.

Als ik je vraag naar mij te luisteren

en jij begint mij te vertellen

waarom ik iets niet zo moet voelen als ik het voel,

dan neem je mijn gevoelens niet serieus.

Als ik je vraag naar mij te luisteren

en jij denkt dat jij iets moet doen

om mijn problemen op te lossen,

dan laat je mij in de steek,

hoe vreemd dat ook mag lijken.

Dus, alsjeblieft,

luister alleen maar naar me

en probeer me te begrijpen.

En als je wilt praten,

wacht dan even

en ik beloof je dat ik op mijn beurt

naar jou zal luisteren.

'Luisteren' van Leo Buscaglia

Recognise me!?

De Kreeft is een emotioneel type en gevoelig voor de subtiele manieren waarop mensen met elkaar communiceren. Als de lucht gevuld is met onplezierige gevoelens, dan voelt zij dat. Zij heeft een grote behoefte aan emotionele steun en wilt steeds weten dat degenen van wie zij houdt, ook van haar houden. Zij vindt het belangrijk zeker te weten dat er voor haar gezorgd wordt en dat wat er ook mocht gebeuren, zij toch altijd naar een beschermde plek kan terugkeren. Als haar fundamentele behoeften echter onbevredigd blijven, dan zal zij in haar schulp kruipen en zich onzeker gedragen. Een onzekere Kreeft kan de zelfzuchtigheid zelve zijn, net zoals een Kreeft die zich veilig voelt uitermate genereus kan zijn. Zij is gehecht aan de oude vertrouwde dingen en waarschijnlijk heeft zij een stille plek die alleen van haar is en waar zij heen kan om alleen met haar eigen gedachten te zijn. Wat het leven haar ook mag brengen, een van haar eerste stappen in een nieuwe omgeving is ongetwijfeld het zoeken naar een dergelijke plek.

The Cancer is an emotional type and sensitive to the subtle ways people communicate with each other. When the air is filled with unpleasant feelings, she feels that. She has a large need for emotional support and always wants know that those, whom she loves, love her too. She finds it important to know for sure that she's taken care of and that whatever happens she can return to a safe place. If however her fundamental needs remain unsatisfied, she will draw within and behave insecure. An insecure Cancer can be self-righteous, just as a Cancer who feels safe can be extremely generous. She is attached to familiar things and probably has a quiet place where she can go to be alone with her thoughts. Whatever life may bring her, one of the first steps in a new surrounding is undoubtedly the search of such a place.

First month home

Tuesday morning the 13th of march my plane landed in Amsterdam. My flight was sceduled to land at 5.30 but we were 45 minutes early. I kind of figured that my mom would have been checking the arrival times because our early arival was know at takeoff so the night before at home. I didn't run to the baggage claim but sat down to have a smoke first. My bags were the last ones on the belt and 5.30 I came trough the sliding doors with my camara ready to make a picture of all the enthousiastic people to welcome me home....no one! haha They didn't check the time and thought 6 'o clock would be early enough to catch me! I sat down, ordered a cappucino and sent them a text. Sure enough about 15 minutes later they arrived and we all had coffee together. Was so good to see them! My mom and two brothers, Theo and Wouter and Theo's girlfriend Zsuzsika were all there. The rest of the day we spent together at my moms place. While I was away she moved into her new appartment and eventhough she had sent me pictures it was still a surprise to see it. She's done a really good job, it felt like home!

After the first day the realisation that my trip was really over hit me and it didn't feel good. I thought I wouldn't feel that way. I was so looking forward to coming home, seeing my friends again. It's hard to explain that feeling. I just really didn't want to be here.

The last few weeks have been quite hard. It was nice to see all my friends again but I kind of underestamated the culture chock. After having that freedom for a year, never planning a day ahaed and living the Kiwi lifestyle, the netherlands seems very overly structured, regulated and busy. People in NZ have a different sense of time and live their lives with different values. I feel that I always have had trouble fitting in with the standards here but especially after experiecing the Kiwi way, in which I felt so at home, it's hard to adjust.

The next step after coming home and seeing everyone agian was offcourse "What am I going to do now!". A question I've heard a lot and I have been asking myself a lot too. I've kind of figured out what I find important in life but what kind of jobs fit into that. Also the question whether or not I want to stay here has been occupying my mind. So now I've made a deal with myself. I'm going to find a job, probably part time, to support myself. Next to that I'm going to do whatever I need to do to work towards what my hart wants. Volunteerwork, get some work experience in other industries mainly hospitality, do some courses and maybe even get certificates for my carreer move. I've been offered a job as business analyst at a news paper here in Roterdam. I'll have to do some serious negotiation this week but if they agree to my terms I might have a job and start on the 1st of may. So the first step if almost realised!

Done some fun stuff too! (not just serious thinking haha) Met up with Shaz, who I met in Nelson. She lives in Utrecht, just 40 minutes by train. It was so good and at the same time weird to see her here, both back home! We had a great day. She showed me aroud Utrecht for a bit, went for coffee, had some nice Tapas for dinner and the she treated me to a show that was part of the Tweetakt festival. It was quite funny even though we both left without having a clue what the message was.

With Maartje I went to a concert of Ilse de Lange. Absolutely the best Dutch singer there is! Her music is a bit country but lataly she moving more towards pop. Really had a great night. Her lyrics are so strong, as you might know I always listen to the lyrics, that how songs really touch me and her songs do!

Last weekend was easter. Spent the day with the family again. My aunt always comes over for easter and both my brothers were there. We had a really nice time, sunshine on the deck, nice food all day long. What else do you want!

Today was the big Roterdam marathon. A big sportsevent and the whole city is turned upside down. Everyone seems to be out there and especially with the good weather of today. Some thing that I defintaly enjoyed but it's also a bit scary. Normally it's supposed to be an avarage of 12 degress mid april but today it was between 25 and 30! Crazy! But as I said, enjoyed the day with Philip and his friends.